


so kind a lie, not your only one

by PerthroSeidraikiri



Series: hold your heart the way he holds your hand [5]
Category: Ao no Exorcist | Blue Exorcist
Genre: Acceptance, Angst, Denial, Denial of Feelings, Gen, M/M, Romangst, Self-Hatred, slight body horror
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-28
Updated: 2020-06-28
Packaged: 2021-03-04 08:34:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,136
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24966793
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PerthroSeidraikiri/pseuds/PerthroSeidraikiri
Summary: Run from what, he’s not sure anymore. He’s running from so many things that he has nowhere to turn anymore, nowhere to hide anymore. All sides are pushing him towards the same path and he’s not ready for that at all.And he’s not ready to face any of them.Isn’t ready to just accept or move on like they want him to.
Relationships: Henry Faust & Mephisto Pheles, Okumura Rin/Mephisto Pheles
Series: hold your heart the way he holds your hand [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1774975
Comments: 8
Kudos: 20





	so kind a lie, not your only one

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Just_a_useless_writer](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Just_a_useless_writer/gifts).
  * Inspired by [A Nest of Wrens](https://archiveofourown.org/works/21566998) by [Just_a_useless_writer](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Just_a_useless_writer/pseuds/Just_a_useless_writer). 



> A follow up, woop!  
> Lmao, our bastard had a talk with his past self now it's time to have a talk with his first (?) love. 
> 
> Happy Birthday @Just_a_useless_writer!

“Mephisto?”

A sharp painful spark makes its way down Mephisto’s spine as he hears his name, so gently called from behind him. The pain that shoots down his bones is both from fear and the strain that he’s been putting on his body for the past few days. 

It’s tempting to turn and greet Henry with a fake welcome which he has no energy for. 

He doesn’t turn. 

“Dinner’s ready.” Henry adds and it only sends a sting to his heart instead, he sounds so welcoming even after all Mephisto has put him through.

Only thing is, he hasn't experienced it just yet. But he will soon enough then he'll hate him and Mephisto will never move on. 

“I know you can hear me Mephisto.” His voice teases, chuckling as he starts to make his way forward, bare feet rustling against the grass and the scent of him, spices and  _ Rin,  _ drawing closer. 

It makes him dizzy, almost tempts him to forget about the pain that’s coursing through his veins and run. 

Run from what, he’s not sure anymore. He’s running from so many things that he has nowhere to turn anymore, nowhere to hide anymore. All sides are pushing him towards the same path and he’s not ready for that at all. 

And he’s not ready to face any of them.    
Isn’t ready to just accept or move on like they want him to.

“Hey,” a palm squeezes his shoulders and he hisses, freezing up immediately and it quickly pulls away, the weight of it leaving him and making him regret his reaction. 

“I-” his voice comes out hoarse before he clears his throat, “I’m not hungry.”

Lying is a useful skill to have and it’s one Mephisto knows he’s honed so very perfectly. 

“Doesn’t matter, at least come and try to eat something?” But it’s probably been seen through, definitely been seen through because Henry continues to talk, “You need to get your energy back and you need to get a little muscle too you know,” he chuckles again, a deep resonating  _ worried _ chuckle that it has Mephisto wishing he was deaf. 

“Plus, Rin said he made your favorite.” 

The taste of spice tingles on his tongue, the sip of the curry he had taken from the spoon Rin had shoved in his face (“Hey, hey, taste this~” Feet had tapped noisily against the ground as Rin had rushed to catch him before he wandered into the field. He had grinned, palm cupped under the spoon that was filled to the brim with a steaming curry, vegetables peeking amongst it.

“What is it?” he had muttered, scrunching up his nose and pulling his eyes away from Rin’s to look at the spoon with curiosity.

“ _ Taste _ it, then you’ll know!”

He had and the tingles that had traveled down his spine hadn't been from the taste of the food alone.)

“Maybe later.”

“Mephisto-”

“Henry, please.”

“Please  _ what _ , Mephisto?” The angry exasperated snap that rips from Henry has him flinching and he hears him sigh, regretfully and it just makes him feel even worse. 

Why did he have to come here?

Why did he have to end up here?

_ Why does it hurt so much? _

_ What must I do to let it go? _

“Listen, you… you’ve got to stop.”

He wishes he knew how. Out of all things to render him into an unsure mess, sentiment is what clouds over him. 

Henry squats in front of him, his voice orders Mephisto to look up but he decides to punish the grass with his glare instead. He wishes he could look up and find the courage to not look away, to accept that the man in front of him is a thing of the past.

Yet, he sits there, not sure what to do. Not sure what to say or what to feel. 

It’s hard to find his voice, the whisper that he manages to let out sounds utterly and absolutely pathetic, “I’m not hungry,”

He hears another sigh, “That’s not what I’m talking about.”

He knows. He knows exactly what Henry is talking about. 

“You need to stop letting it hold you back, you have to stop letting it take advantage of you and-”

“What do you know?” escapes him before he can even think twice, “what do you know about it hm?” he looks up, finally, eyes glowing acid green, his voice sounds so hoarse and tired but he keeps on talking,  _ accusing _ , “If it was that easy,” he hisses, raw and exposed, “I would have done it a long, long time ago.”

What makes it even harder is that Henry doesn’t look hurt at all, he looks like he understands. 

He understands, of _course_ he does. 

He's human.

Mephisto wants to take all his words back the moment their eyes meet.  The only people who have ever shown him that amount of concern, love and worry in their eyes are beginning to give up on him.

His wants, his lies, and burdens are slowly driving them away. 

And here Henry is, trying to help and he doesn’t know how to accept it.

“Then what’s stopping you?”

_ You. _

(“Stop, please! Meph- it  _ hurts _ , Mephisto! I SAID STOP!” He had begged, he had asked for mercy and Mephisto had never thought of giving it to him. He had pushed and pushed, squeezed him until he was a bleeding mess, a sobbing dying mess that just wanted to be let go.)

He looks away, fangs retreating and eyes narrowing.

“What’s stopping you?”

("JUST LET ME GO DAMMIT- Sto-STOP- Mephisto… please." Bones crack, skin turns purple and blue and eyes cry red tears.)

_ Regret. _

“What’s stopping you!?”

  
_ It hurts. _

“Please stop.”

_ How pitiful.  _

_ “Tell me.”  _

“I don’t know.” Mephisto confesses in a whisper, nails digging into his palms, “I don’t know how.”

A hand grasps his, entwines into his and squeezes, "Accept what you're being given. Forget what has gone, focus on where you are Samael. Stop staying in the past."

_ Let him go.  _

  
"Let it go, Samael. Leave it all behind."

For the time king, it really shouldn't be that hard, right?

* * *

There's someone in front of him again, sitting and holding his hand. 

But the hold is warmer this time, gentler yet demanding of his attention.

"Mephisto?" They call and the heat that travels into Mephisto’s veins tells him enough. 

The smile that Rin gifts him with help him make that step forward even though it hurts.

"Let's go home."

Maybe he'll regret it. Trying once more. 

But there's no harm in trying again.

And this time, he'll make sure he gets it right. 

"Let's go back."

"Home?" He asks.

Rin's smile only becomes brighter, the vision of the bloody pleading body in his arms disappears as Rin leans forward, lips pressing against Mephisto's cheek.

"Home."

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> These were such a blast to write.  
> Many thanks and love to the original fic! 'Nest of Wrens'
> 
> !!! Stay safe y'all :3!


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